By Steven Korbin

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity Wars

NOBODY was more excited to watch this movie.  NOBODY loved these characters more than I did.  NOBODY enjoyed the first two hours of this movie more than I did. And then…the CUSTODIANS OF THIS FRANCHISE…MURDERED…EVERYBODY.  More precisely, these UNSCRUPULOUS THUGS…killed…one-HALF…of ALL LIVING THINGS IN THE UNIVERSE.

In hindsight I realize that I was, understandably and appropriately, in total shock.  First…denial.  No WAY…did that just happen.  NO FUCKING WAY…did the “CREATORS” of this film…MURDER…SPIDER MAN.

Next…confusion.

Deflation.

It wasn’t until my mind cleared a little that I realized it was TOTAL and UTTER…DEMORALIZATION.

And THEN came…the rage.

KEVIN FEIGE…ANTHONY RUSSO…JOE RUSSO…and STAN LEE…the GUARDIANS OF THESE CHARACTERS…the CARETAKERS of the FATE OF OUR SUPERHEROES…MURDERED…EVERYBODY.

Spider Man and Iron Man

How COULD YOU!?  WHATEVER COMES NEXT…I will NEVER be able to erase from my consciousness…the image of PETER PARKER…DYING SLOWLY in the arms of TONY STARK…PLEADING…”I DON’T WANT TO GO.”

Through a full lifetime I have been blessed with the unbridled enjoyment of meeting these characters.  With the help of PRIOR RESPONSIBLE CARE TAKING…I was introduced to their FAMILIES.  I met their FRIENDS.  I watched them stumble…fall…crumble…crash…burn…bleed…but somehow ALWAYS…they managed to do what WE as ORDINARY HUMAN BEINGS CANNOT…they ALWAYS FOUND A WAY to GET BACK UP.

Now… I would like to smash KEVIN FEIGE in the face with a comic book shovel.

I KNOW I am not alone.  

THESE CHARACTERS DID NOT BELONG TO YOU.  They did not belong even to STAN LEE.  Once born…they belonged to US!  And you HEARTLESS THIEVES…you COLD BLOODED MURDERERS…you DIABOLICAL FIENDS…STOLE them from us.  

The WORLD WE LIVE IN…the REAL WORLD…is FILLED WITH REAL VILLAINS.  These SUPER HEROES exist ONLY in our imagination.  You BASTARDS…have committed an act of LITERAL TERROR. In MURDERING these characters that we have come to love…you have KILLED SOMETHING in ALL OF US.  You have DARKENED the previously impenetrable reaches of our HOPES!!!  

After ALL we have been through with these PEOPLE…our FRIENDS!  Our HEROES!  YOUR “SOLUTION” is to succumb to the WORST KIND OF LAZINESS…the GRANDEST COPOUT in not merely cinematic but ALL the HISTORY OF the DRAMATIC ARTS…is to ARBITRARILY KILL…BEFORE OUR EYES…ONE-HALF…of ALL LIVING BEINGS.  I CURSE you. YOUR CRIME is complete…and TRAGICALLY…IRREVERSIBLE.

In the limited discussions I’ve had with others about this CINEMATIC GENOCIDE…I have accomplished one positive thing.  I have persuaded two people NEVER TO SEE THIS MOVIE.  The other thing to emerge from the conversations is the conclusion that while you scumbags…vested THE TITAN THANOS with the POWERS OF GOD…such that he could, with the literal snap of his fingers…END HALF OF ALL THE LIVES in the entire UNIVERSE…CONSPICUOUSLY ABSENT…is the ONE ENTITY that COULD have prevented the MASS MURDER OF TRILLIONS OF BEINGS:  GOD Himself.

The TWISTED…SICKENING…and DEEPLY DISTURBING “MORAL” of this WORST EVEN FILM…is this:  THANOS…is REAL…but…THERE IS…NO…GOD.

In the immortal words of The Bandit, as portrayed by Burt Reynolds in Smokey and the Bandit, I have only this to ask of Kevin Feige: Do the letters F-O mean anything to you?

Steven Korbin is a lawyer and cultural commentator living in Los Angeles, California. He holds a Master of Arts in American History, Columbia University, and is a graduate of Loyola Law School.  His use of all caps should be considered an extension of Mr. Korbin’s passion during the writing process.