The Happy Housewife 

Step away from the buffet and start fulfilling your list of No Year’s Resolutions. That’s not a typo; it’s the truth. Most likely your goals have something to do with diet and exercise. I am convinced that if you have eaten your weight in nut-covered cheese logs, or had enough ham to equal the size of a toddler, it’s going to be difficult to achieve.

The key to success, really, is moderation. Have you ever observed the hunters and gatherers around the buffet table at a party? What is the obsession with filling a plate the size of a wine coaster to near catastrophe level? The holiday primate instinct kicks in and there is an adrenaline rush to “get it while it lasts”. We have all eaten barbequed meatballs until our stomachs ache, but those aches may come from more than just the mystery meat those balls are made from – it’s the sheer quantity. When moderation has failed, get on to the next solution.

Exercise. Speaking the word is as painful as the act itself.   Put down the leg warmers and the high-cut pink leotard, the look is all black now. You will be a warrior on that rowing machine and so you need to dress the part. Your look is mysterious, tough and dedicated on the stair-stepper while in your head you try to determine if you can reach the candy bar in your gym bag without slamming your shins. If you’re thinking, “Oh, step aerobics and dancing = exercise!” Tread lightly; these women have been doing aerobics since Xanadu first aired. Try to keep up and do not take their space. Arrive a few minutes before the class starts and accept your spot next to the glass door.

If you are still determined to join the Lululemon army, then make sure you stick with it. Nothing will piss off a yoga queen more than a “once and done”. She will spot you a mile away with your new exercise gear and the deer-in-the-headlights look, and you’ll be pegged forever – or at least for two days more when you decide to quit. It’s a difficult routine to maintain, but in the end it will all be worth it when you can effectively erase the calories of half an M&M from your daily intake.

So, this January, while you’re finishing off the last dozen decorated sugar cookies, perhaps the best resolution you can make is to resolve not to make any more lists.

Michele Kusiak is the Happy Housewife. She writes from her happy home somewhere deep in the suburbs of Metropolitan Detroit