By Justa Girle
An August 2023 survey by the Thriving Center of Psychology found that 66% of people considered ghosting a byproduct of online dating. Over 1,000 millennial and Gen Z respondents took part in the survey, and the majority reported being ghosted before the first date. Around 25% were ghosted after the first or just a few dates, while 10% shared that someone ghosted them after dating for months.
Is Ghosting Inevitable?
Ghosting has compelled 30% of singles to give up dating altogether. As annoying and sometimes painful as it can be, ghosting has become a go-to solution, often out of an inability to end an interaction that’s not going anywhere. But does ghosting have to be inevitable?
Ghosting can seem logical, especially when navigating the fast-paced, gamified design of dating apps. These platforms are designed to capture and hold your attention, offering rewards and other elements that feel like a game. This often widens the gap between intentions and actions. A person might be looking for deep, meaningful conversations or a serious relationship, but the thrill of notifications or chatting with multiple people can pull them into shallow or unfulfilling interactions. When these conversations become frustrating or lead nowhere, ghosting becomes an easy way out.
The Most Common Reasons for Ghosting
If you’ve ever been ghosted, you might ask yourself, “Why were you ghosted?” The main reasons include a lack of interest in the relationship, feeling overwhelmed by expectations, stress, or simply wanting to avoid confrontation. In the same survey, 77% of Gen Z respondents admitted to ghosting someone, compared to 61% of millennials. Interestingly, women are more likely to ghost than men.
While ghosting can seem callous, the data shows that it’s a behavior most people regret. In fact, 67% of respondents admitted they had been both the ghoster and the ghostee at some point. Even though 84% of millennials and Gen Z reported feeling bad about being ghosted, 75% still think it’s acceptable under certain circumstances.
Alternatives to Ghosting: How to End Conversations Respectfully
If you find yourself in a conversation that lacks chemistry but don’t want to ghost, here are some respectful alternatives to end the interaction:
1. Offer to Stay Friends
If the conversation isn’t going anywhere romantically but you still appreciate the other person’s personality, you could offer to stay friends. A gentle approach might sound like: “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I feel like we’re more compatible as friends. I’d love to stay in touch if that works for you.” While it’s a bit of a cliché, this method is far kinder than simply disappearing, leaving the other person wondering what went wrong.
2. Explain That You’re Going Through Personal Things
If you’re not sure what you’re looking for or need time to process, saying you’re dealing with personal issues could be an honest exit strategy. You might say something like, “I’m going through some personal things right now and need some time to figure things out. I might not be on the app much moving forward.” Nearly a third of dating app users have ended interactions due to mental health or personal reasons. This gives both parties space and time without abrupt closure.
3. Point Out That You Don’t Have Much in Common
Sometimes, the lack of chemistry stems from different lifestyles, interests, or personalities. It’s okay to admit that you don’t have much in common. A polite way to say this could be: “I’ve enjoyed our conversation, but I don’t think we have as much in common as I initially thought. I wish you all the best!”
In some cases, people try to bond over shared hobbies like hiking, music, or travel based on their dating profiles. However, the reality might reveal otherwise—someone might claim they love outdoor adventures or attending concerts to appear more interesting, but in reality, their perfect night might be Netflix and snacks. Pointing out these misaligned interests can leave both people with more closure and understanding.
Additional Strategies for Respectful Endings
Be Honest, But Not Harsh
Honesty is key, but the way you deliver it matters. Try to be respectful and considerate. While some people appreciate directness, avoid being unnecessarily blunt. “I don’t think we’re compatible” can be much more considerate than “I’m bored” or “You’re not what I expected.”
Choose Timing Carefully
Ending a conversation just after a person shares something vulnerable or during a positive interaction might feel abrupt. Choosing the right time to close a conversation can help soften the impact, so aim for a natural transition in the discussion.
The Temptation of Relief
Ghosting offers an undeniable feeling of relief. A stunning 86% of respondents said they felt relief after ghosting, with 91% of women and 80% of men reporting this feeling. However, about 70% also reported feeling guilty, and fewer than half felt true regret. Ending a conversation in a respectful way might take more effort, but it is ultimately a more empathetic approach that can help both parties feel better about the experience.
Conclusion: Be Kind, Not Cruel
While ghosting might seem like the easiest option, ending conversations with kindness and respect is much more rewarding. Offering to stay friends, being upfront about misaligned interests, or explaining that you’re going through personal things are respectful ways to exit without leaving the other person in the dark. Remember that people appreciate closure and clarity, even if the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.
By taking a more thoughtful approach to ending conversations that lack chemistry, you can help create a more respectful and empathetic dating environment—one interaction at a time.