Still Magically Delicious
Anthony Brancaleone
When I was a kid, a box of Lucky Charms contained little marshmallows in the shapes of pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers. Then, in 1975, Lucky added blue diamonds – what a move – and as far as I’m concerned those were the best Charms in history.
Don’t even talk to me about 1984’s purple horseshoes or the red balloons of 89’. They mean nothing to me. I saw right through that Purple Rain bandwagon. In fact, the 75’-84’, pre-horseshoe, Lucky Charms should be considered, on every level, the most abstract and enlightening era in cereal, period.
Loved by most, hated by many, misunderstood by all, Lucky Charms was more than just an alternative to a healthy breakfast. It was an escape. Charms could be had morning, noon or night, as an after school snack, Hell, I even ate them in the bathtub.
Whenever Lucky popped on screen, those Charms magically appearing above his head, I found myself immediately reaching for a bowl. I related to Lucky. He was an outsider and so was I. No matter how bad the world seemed I knew it would all go away, if only for a little while, once I dipped my spoon inside a magical bowl of Charms.
And, then a thought occurred to me – was Lucky using his magic Charms to make contact?
Could Lucky be an Extraterrestrial, with advanced psionic knowledge, simply taking the Irish form of Mescalito – an archetype of Jung’s Collective Unconscious – in an attempt to communicate, using persistent signals of interstellar telepathy, sent by some molecular intelligence from a far off world?
Maybe. And, then came 1992’s rainbows . . .
Horseshoes, balloons, rainbows, where would it end? I was waiting for mushrooms and the simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection and they gave me rainbows?
That’s right when I snapped. Rooms became floors became ceilings became doors and I left Lucky Charms before they tried to stuff a unicorn down my throat. Sixteen years passed and I hadn’t touched a single bowl. I was eating organically grown, high protein, high fiber, fair trade, tasteless and meaningless, empty bowls of nothing, when I discovered Lucky had introduced the limited edition hourglass Charm in 2008.
Admittedly, I didn’t think much of it at first, until the country began going to Hell in a hand basket. Government takeovers, bailouts, market crashes, Sirius and XM radio merging, all seemed to coincide with the introduction of the Hourglass. Soon, I was noticing Lucky on TV, then YouTube, and then someone mentioned Lucky Charms had released a Retro edition.
So, I bought a box . . .
I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t believe in coincidence. The sands of time are upon us. Until they run out, however, I’ll just continue to enjoy late nights with Lucky – and those pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers – for as long as he allows me to do so and wait, in anxious anticipation, for the 2012, Lucky Charms release of the marshmallow Mayan Calendar.